"My experience is that people often experience depression and the dark night at the same time... The dark night can be depressing... Conversely, a primary clinical depression can become part of a dark-night experience."
~ Gerald May, The Dark Night of the Soul, 156
~ Gerald May, The Dark Night of the Soul, 156
She told me that my problem was depression, not dark night of the soul. This seemed very obvious to her. She treated them like they were mutually exclusive, like it was one and not the other. Her answer was very unsettling to me, but even though I didn't agree I felt like I had to accept it. I wonder if/how things would have been different had I not been told this.
I think that there is the dark night of the soul proper, and then there is the dark night of the soul principle: the idea that pain has value, that what we think we want is not what is good for us, that God is doing something good in us when he weans us from our desires. And these benefits are available to all who face loss, not just those who experience an extended dark night of the soul.
I think there must be a reason why I am endlessly fascinated with the Dark Night of the Soul. But at the same time, the results of the dark night do not appear strongly in my life - particularly a burning love for God. When you're missing the main symptom, that suggests it's not the right diagnosis. So maybe she was right. Or maybe that's how it began, but I got lost along the way.
i'm gonna do some reading on dark night before i say too much, but this seems true: God doesn't use, like, programs or formulae or whatever on us. there's no darknight.exe that he runs when he wants to teach us something. he's more alive than that, and there aren't rules. we can look at and listen to our lives and make conclusions based on our common experience, but we have no business telling other people what's going on in their lives.
ReplyDeleteall that to say, i think you're right.