Progress Report

A week or two ago, I was talking to my Mom on the phone. "Did you ever finish that course you were working on?" she asked. I was surprised by her question and a little offended by the way she asked it: I have a year to finish the course, and that deadline was still ten and a half months away. Of course I haven't read eleven hard books already!

But I guess it's hard to remember all the details that people tell you, and I should appreciate the fact that she remembered that I am taking a course.

To be honest, I'm slowing down on it. The last book I read (The Heart of Midlothian) was really hard, so it wasn't concerned when I spent three weeks on it. But I'm on the third week for my current book (Jane Eyre) as well, and this one's not difficult - it shouldn't be taking me more than two.

This time my excuse is television. And my excuse for the television is knitting. I'm working on a cool project that I've been spending a lot of time on. Watching TV goes with knitting better than reading does. And although there aren't many shows that I watch, those shows that I do are on all the time!

I used to be the type who never watched TV. I guess that's because all I had was peasant vision, and my television set barely worked. When you have the technology, you will inevitably use it?

Happy Earth Day

This month's Cupcake Theme was Earth Day Cupcakes, and although I didn't actually enter the contest, I did bake Earth Day cupcakes. I found a recipe for Strawberry Cupcakes on another blog, and I happened to have fresh strawberries because they were a great price for this time of year. "Strawberries are earth-y," I thought, and then I made my cupcakes extra earth friendly by using organic sugar. And they tasted SO GOOD! They were moist and fresh tasting and yummy. I put more strawberry puree in the icing than the recipe called for, and then I got out my decorating miscellany and after numerous failed attempts, ended up making them look like flowers - so they were pretty too!

Happy Earth Day!

Revisiting Grad

I made more cards today. And I actually like how this one turned out:
That's an especially good thing, because it was for a special occasion. Happy Graduation, Friend!

It's nice to know that you're important to someone, and it's nice to be involved in their lives. I loved it when you came over to do homework, because it gave me a chance to be a part of your school life. I was honoured that you wanted me there at your grad, and I was glad to come and share your special day. Thanks for wanting me and needing me.

Being there made me think back to my own grad. Three years ago - that's so long. Both nostalgia and seeing "how far I have come" are uncomfortable for me. I am not who they hoped I would become, and I negated all their benedictions. These situations give me a chance to consider where I am, and I am at the place where I say "It hurt too much, and I just couldn't stay." It didn't help tonight that the banquet was held at a church where I once had a difficult experience, one that I later cited for my fall from faith. My eyes kept straying to that corner where I felt so abandoned.

Now that this friend is finished school, my connections there are minimal. There has been a gradual letting go since I finished there myself, and to be honest, I look forward to the freedom of its culmination. It's an awkward place for me to go back to.

I found myself thinking tonight that if I keep a list of everyone who has hurt my feelings, soon there won't be anyone left who's not on that list. I need to get over things. And I do... but it requires enough good to outweigh the bad, and in a lot of cases I don't have that opportunity. That still makes for a very long list. Hmmm...

Tonight a stranger approached me and asked if I was part of the choir years ago - because he remembered me and the way I sang a particular song. As I stood on the edge of the group and sang in the chorus, he was powerfully moved by my presentation - and he has remembered that for years. I don't even remember the song, but he remembers me and said he has looked for me since. This reminded me of Edna, a lady across the country who remembered me and found me again a year later. These situations are flattering and humbling, and I don't know what to do with them, especially considering where I have ended up. So I said "Thank you," and pondered it in my heart.

Conflict Resolution

So, I feel like I'm just not good at being a person. And it kinda hurts.

And it turns out that I define a person primarily as a social being, because the above is what I say when I am struggling with social interactions.

How do you define "personhood"?

Nostalgia

Do you remember this?

After eleven years, "back off, get your own sandwich" is still a fantastic quote.

It's funny how imperfect memory is, though - I could have sworn the commercial was for Subway, not Maple Leaf, and I'm finding that a lot of other people also had the same false certainty. You?