Completed

I thought I'd share about my most recent crocheting project. I found this pattern (with recommended colours and everything) in a little pattern book, and I thought it looked so good. When I realized that I could find all the colours I bought the yarn and started making it. But that was back in October or November; it hasn't been my priority project. That has been for several reasons: I had two Christmas projects to complete, I've been excited about working on other projects, and once I got going on this one I thought the colours clashed. It's hard to be excited about something when it seems to be turning out ugly. Luckily the dark variegated colour joining all the squares together also really tied all the colours together, and the completed project looks way better than I feared along the way. But although I had started making it for myself, I don't really need another blanket and I didn't think I was going to like it as much as I had hoped, so part way through I changed my mind and decided to donate it to the silent auction benefiting the Children's Hospital that we will be having at work next month. I took it in and donated it today.

Basic Concept: Granny Square, with solid rows instead of shells
Yarn: Red Heart Worsted Weight (Super Saver)
Colours: Light Yellow, Cornmeal, Gold, Carrot, and Fall
Hook Size: 6.50 mm

Now I'm on to an even more exciting project!

Joke

What did the bunny say to the moose?
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......There's some peanut butter over there!


Would you believe I made that up all by myself?
We laughed a lot at it tonight.
Sometimes the stupider something is, the funnier it is.

And Counting

So it turns out I'm not one of those people who can recall a conversation word-for-word. But ours went vaguely something like this: She said that someone posed to her the idea of counting how many individual different McDonaldses she has eaten at in her lifetime, and how that number seems huge at first, but is probably a lot smaller than originally imagined. A very interesting thought. However, I don't particularly like McDonalds. If I had a choice between eating at McDonalds and anywhere else, I tend to chose the other option. I mentioned that I would be more interested in counting how many Starbuckses I've been to. That number would be significantly larger.

I started a list; I got up to 23 specific ones that I can remember (plus one more I know I've been to but I have no idea where it is... in an Albertsons somewhere on the way to California). Now I want to try to expand that list! I think it would be fun to map out. (Does anyone know of an online map program where you can mark points and save where you've been?)

But I'm approaching this project thoughtfully, with consideration. Do I really want to do this - to begin a new obsession of visiting as many Starbuckses as possible, of codifying my life into yet another list (adding the list of Starbucks locations I've visited to the list of license plates I've seen in order, and the list of countries I can name)? Not that I tend to be an obsessive type of person (I don't think...) whose lists rule her life... And I suppose a good part of life consists of the games we play.

Skoch's Recital Concert

It was one of those evenings when it's hard to leave the house. Except you don't realize how hard until you're already out, and then you regret it.
Not that I actually regret going. The concert was fabulous, excellent, and amusing. The back-up band called themselves "The Coat Hangers." I think my favorite song was "Play That Funky Music White Boy." As well as having fantastic music, they had a bar fridge and couch on stage, and when a member of the band was exempt from a song he'd pop open a soda and relax. And Skoch played one of the songs with his guitar behind his back. It was awesome.
Everyone in the band was someone I have cared about significantly or vicariously. That meant I owed them the loyalty of being there (which I was glad to give), and that also made me uncomfortable. Because we're not in each other's lives anymore. And I just feel awkward around school crowds - not just them but everyone there. I didn't want to mingle during intermission.

I was so grateful to be beside a friend, someone who remains in my life and whose friendship I really value. I sat there imagining how I might introduce her to someone, and I surprised myself by the strength of the terms I'd use to describe our friendship. But whenever I think of expressing it to her, I lose all my words.
We sat in the front row, so we had a great view - but once things got started I all the sudden feared that I was much too boring, bland, and tired to be in the front row. Sigh. And at the end of the concert I discovered that I am afraid of participation. Big sigh.

I spent the concert thinking...
People are busy. They already pretty much have enough friends. Especially the fabulous people. I don't dare ask for anything... especially when I don't have much to give in return.
When I thought back to that time of life and re-immersed myself in that setting, I found myself asking, "Was I loved?" as if that was the question of utmost significance. Most of me answers, "Not enough." But part of me knows that the people surrounding me were loving, and that if I didn't feel loved that's not entirely their fault. I don't think that I felt like I was able to love them well, and then I didn't know how to receive their love for me.
I know that my true friends loved me, and somehow that seems tangential to the problem. I mourn the fact that I didn't feel loved, known, and accepted by the entire group, and that I wasn't able to feel or show that I cared for the group at large. Having a few true friends doesn't fix that. Unfortunately.