Fad

So remember when I wrote about listing all the different Starbuckses I've been to? I questioned whether this was actually something I wanted to do, and figured I'd go for it. My decision was influence by this passage I remembered from The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon:

"Mrs. Forbes said that hating yellow and brown is just being silly. And Siobhan said that she shouldn't say things like that and everyone has favorite colours. And Siobhan was right. But Mrs. Forbes was a bit right, too. Because it is sort of being silly. But in life you have to take lots of decisions and if you don't take decisions you would never do anything because you would spend all your time choosing between things you could do. So it is good to have a reason why you hate some things and you like others. It is like being in a restaurant... and you look at the menu and you have to choose what you are going to have. But you don't know if you are going to like something because you haven't tasted it yet, so you have favorite foods and you choose these, and you have foods that you don't like and you don't choose these, and then it is simple." (108)

Of course, this is articulated by an autistic character that perhaps I ought not emulate... but it makes sense that the little preferences you develop can reduce the decisions you need to make and add joy to your life. Going to new Starbuckses has given me something fun to do, and provided me with a sense of purpose (particularly on vacations). It's nice to do things towards a goal. And I enjoy adding new Starbuckses and stories to the map I've made to keep track this project (let me know if you're interested in seeing it!). Seeing the sunshines add up makes me happy!

I'm pretty excited about this, and since being introduced to the idea in April I've gone to twenty-seven new Starbuckses to bring my total up to fifty! I consider this all a bit of a fad, though. Soon I will run out of nearby Starbuckses to visit, and then the project will slow down significantly. Also, as I write little vignettes about each location, I find that the memories from before I began the project are more precious than the stories that basically go "I came here because I had to add another one to my list!" Doing things like going for coffee are more beautiful when there's no overarching purpose behind them. Knowing this is just a fad for me makes me more okay with my current infatuation, though. I can enjoy it while it lasts, without being crazy about this forever.

A funny story on the topic: several weeks ago, my Mom was visiting me and was on the phone with a friend of hers here in town. We were going to go out for coffee with her, and I had expressed a desire to go to a Starbucks that I hadn't been to yet since we were likely to be in a different area of town. My Mom passed this on to her friend: "Michelle is addicted to Starbucks." And I corrected her: "Not addicted, just obsessed!" Then we laughed. And since, she has accompanied me to several other new-to-me locations.

Driving

Alberta has beautiful clouds. I notice them most when I'm driving on the highway. And cameras don't catch it at all.

Psychology of Numbers

Have you ever heard of the psychology of colours? The idea is that different colours affect us unconsciously in different ways. Red implies urgency and makes us rush. Blue might create peace and calmness (I'm trying to remember), and blue or green rooms definitely make us feel colder. (My Mom, who is a nurse, has seen this firsthand: patients in hospital rooms with blue or green walls ask for more blankets than those in red or orange rooms.)

I wonder if there is also a psychology of numbers. Do we inherently react differently to different types of numbers? For instance, think about 195, and then about 153. Do they feel any differently to you?

I find numbers that end in a 5 or 10 carry a feeling of completeness. Those ending in 2 are comfortingly even. Numbers that have repeating digits, digits that are multiples of others, or digits that add up in certain ways (like 363) interest me.

Is this just me? As I was thinking about this I began to wonder how much junior high math has haunted me, and whether I approach any number wondering if I'll be required to factor it...

195 = 5 x 3 x 13

363 = 3 x 11 x 11

153 = eh? (3 x 3 x 17)

Books Read - Spring 2010

1. The Piano Man's Daughter by Timothy Findley
2. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
3. Anne of Windy Poplars by L.M. Montgomery (#4)*
4. Anne's House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery (#5)*
5. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
6. The Birth House by Ami McKay
7. Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge
8. Dune by Frank Herbert
9. Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert
10. Pooh and the Philosophers by John Tyerman Williams
11. How to be a Canadian by Will Ferguson and Ian Ferguson
12. The First Time by Joy Fielding
13. Slumdog Millionaire by Vikas Swarup
14. Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town by Stephen Leacock
15. Anthem by Ayn Rand
16. Becoming Human by Jean Vanier
17. Anne of Ingleside by L.M. Montgomery (#6)*
18. Marcia Schuyler by Grace Livingston Hill
19. Phoebe Deane by G.L. Hill
20. Miranda by G.L. Hill

Golden Rule

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Is it fair to say that the Golden Rule is the basic summation of decent conduct? I have several concerns with it, though:

1) As someone else has previously articulated, it doesn't work if you're a masochist. Even if you enjoy causing yourself pain, it is not apropriate to treat other people the same way.

2) It is difficult to know how you would like to be treated in a certain situation if you have not experienced it before. For instance, I don't know how I'd want people to act if a close family member died, because I've never lost a member of my immediate family. It's hard to imagine.

3) People are different. My tastes, preferences, and faux pas are different than those of other people; therefore the things that please me will not necessarily please other people. (George Bernard Shaw said, "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.") I would love to receive Junior Mints or a Big Turk bar from Justin, but he would hate to receive these same things from me. This realization necessitates a deeper interpretation of the Golden Rule: instead of simply giving someone what I would like to receive, I need to consider their preferences the way I would want mine to be considered. But... it is difficult to anticipate another person's preferences (especially if I do not know them very well).
Lately I've found myself in several situations where I want to treat my hosts and their posessions with courtesy, but I don't know what courtesy means to them. If I rinse my dishes and put them on the counter, am I exceeding expectations (by rinsing them well), or falling short (but not putting them straight into the dishwasher)? Do they have any rules about walking on the grass that mean I should keep off of it? (I do, just in case.) Should I make a strong effort to keep the conversation going, or would they prefer to sit in peaceful silence? I hate the misunderstandings that arise when someone reads my goodwill as an insult.

4) Sometimes there's only so much attention and kindness to go around, and treating one person as you'd like to be treated means that you are not able to treat another person that way. Perhaps saying a proper goodbye to someone means you'll be late for meeting someone else, but neglecting one is just as bad as the other. It's impossible to apply the Golden Rule fairly to everyone.

It's hard to navigate life when I can't even aspire to following the Golden Rule...

T-Shirt

"Live crowned with glory, or swear to die gloriously."
coronados de gloria vivamos, o juremos con gloria morir.
from the Argentinian national anthem

Ouch

Once upon a time, my ex and I thought we were going to get married. A lady that I looked up to at the time as a mentor had some previous experience as a pre-marital and pre-engagement counsellor, so we spent some time talking with her and her husband, preparing for marriage.

I clearly remember one question she posed. "Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Another forty percent are unhappy. What makes you think that your relationship will be the one in ten that works?" She meant it as a reality check.
What makes you think that you will be the anomaly? What makes you so special?

It's been six years, and neither the relationship with my ex nor the relationship with my mentor have lasted, but that question has remained with me. And it carries the weight of an even larger scope than marriage: what makes you think your life will be happy? What sets you apart from everyone else that will give you success when so many fail? When the odds are not in anyone's favour, what makes you think you'll be lucky?

There is no answer. Trying to point to anything seems naive and boastful. ("Because we're in love? Almost everyone is in love when they marry; that doesn't guarantee a happy marriage.)

So I expect doom, regret the advice I've been given, and try to move forward anyways. It's just hard not to limp sometimes.

Overlooked

So... is this blanket ugly? Or do the things related to me just become invisible?As previously mentioned, I made this aphgan for the silent auction we had at work to benefit the Children's Hospital. I saw it in a pattern book and thought it was beautiful, and then I spent four months making it. Granted, it wasn't my priority-project for those four months, and giving it to the Children's Hospital was a later decision. For a while I didn't like how the colours were coming together, but it turned out nicely.

We got a notice saying that silent auction donations could be given to one of three managers, one of whom was my direct manager. About a week before I expected the silent auction to begin, I brought my aphgan in and gave it to her. She gushed over it a bit, and then stored it in the conference room until other items were gathered... where it sat. And sat. As the silent auction began and the lunch room filled up with donations, my aphgan still sat in the conference room.

After about a week I brought it up with my manager. "If I wanted to donate something for the silent auction," I asked, "who should I give it to?" She looked really confused as she said that I could give it to her. "But what I gave you is still in the conference room. And that tells me that my donation and the work I put into it is not valued." She apologized and felt so embarrassed, and I guess she had an argument with the other manager involved in the silent auction later about it. The other manager had been responsible for putting things out, and she didn't know whether my aphgan was for the silent auction or not. She claims she asked everyone, and no one else knew either... but several significant people knew, so I don't believe she tried all that hard. And anyways, the notice said that donations could be given to my manager, but she did not make sure that they were followed through.

After this conversation, my manager immediately made sure my blanket was put out. But she described it as a "Mini Aphgan" (although it was by no means "mini") and placed the minimum bid at $10.00. This matched the description and donation set for the other two aphgans that a coworker of mine had donated - but those were baby aphgans, and my was two or three times larger. Again, I felt like my work was being devalued.

Two people bid on it. One person started it at $10.00, and then Sue raised the bidding to $15. She got it for that. She would have engaged in a bidding war with anyone else who would play along, but no one else was interested. She has an idea of the work that went into it, and I am glad that it went to a good home, but I am disappointed. It contained about $30 of yarn, as well as the hours and hours I put in. It looks like all my work just took value out of the raw materials. Sad.

On one hand, I donated it freely and perhaps should just let it go, no strings attached. It was no longer mine. On the other hand, it could have done so much better, and I feel like I gave more than the Children's Hospital received. Maybe next year I won't try so hard...

That's Weird

I got up this morning and found my bathroom cupboard open. "That's interesting," I thought, "I don't remember grabbing anything out of there." Then I walked out into the main area of my apartment and found a box that usually sits on top of a basket of junk in the corner but was now in the middle of the floor. Now, I know I didn't leave that there. But it wouldn't have fallen there (it was pretty sturdy), and the door was locked and chained. So, I think I might be sleepwalking.

UUUUUUUU

On another note, my Mom is coming to visit tomorrow. So I need to clean my house!!