So, I have discovered that my motto these days is, "I'm so not impressed." I've found this to be my exclamation in situations like "You didn't tell me he wasn't transferring? I'm so not impressed," and, "They reloaded this Starbucks card, when I very clearly told them I wanted the other one? I'm so not impressed."
It's a pretty crappy motto, isn't it. Pretty negative, at least - it doesn't really inspire appreciation for life. But I do like having an expression of displeasure, and being able to admit that things aren't ideal and that that is okay. There's something nice about acknowledging dissatisfaction.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Books Read - Summer 2010
1. Cheats, Charlatans, and Chicanery by Andreas Schroeder
2. Star Wars: Children of the Jedi by Barbara Hambly
3. Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton
4. Speaking Truth to Power by M.A. Apostol
5. The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
6. Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
7. Rainbow Valley by L.M. Montgomery (#7)*
8. Moby Dick by Herman Melville
2. Star Wars: Children of the Jedi by Barbara Hambly
3. Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton
4. Speaking Truth to Power by M.A. Apostol
5. The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
6. Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
7. Rainbow Valley by L.M. Montgomery (#7)*
8. Moby Dick by Herman Melville
Monday, September 13, 2010
Work News
I work alone now.
There have been a lot of changes at work lately; two new stores are opening in the area (and a new competition has taken some of our people as well), so as a result of transfers we've got a whole different array of staff. All the managers I report to are different, including my direct manager and our store manager. And Geoff, my Payroll coworker, got a promotion at the new store, so he is leaving too.
Today was Geoff's last day. And I've gotten used to the idea of not having him around - months and months ago he anticipated quitting to pursue other ventures, then I knew about his application to transfer, then I knew when he got the new position, and now he is gone. I'm not as afraid of my new role (as the most knowledgeable Payroll person) as I was at first - I've had time to grow into it. And it'll be okay. Of course, it will suck for a while too because there is no one to replace Geoff (or perhaps to replace me, as I move into Geoff's role). We've known that Geoff was leaving for quite a while, but they haven't given us anyone new. Boo. Whenever I do get a helper, I hope they're competent. I can't handle another training episode like the last one.
Geoff wrote me a goodbye card, in which he said: "I'm very thankful to have gotten to know you over the past year and a half. You're a very kind and intelligent woman, and have improved both the company and me as a person. Thank you for everything!" I was really touched by this. I know I've frustrated him at times (and vice versa), and I'm glad to know that in spite of that we part on very good terms. He appreciated me too. He complimented me on kindness, which is something I don't really expect these days, and he complimented me on intelligence, which is nice because he also gets to see pretty un-intelligent sides of me. (I make dumb mistakes and then we laugh at them. Today I kept writing "gong" and "gene" while trying to write "gone" over and over.) I feel like these compliments are sincere - something I can believe and not just brush off as flattery. And he accompanied his kind words with a Starbucks card, which I'm super excited about.
I'm going to miss laughing with Geoff. We are really funny. We laugh at my dumb mistakes and irrational dislikes, I mock him for his slip-ups, we enjoy spelling and grammar disasters and have numerous crazy inside jokes. ("Have you seen Deb?" Frankie Smitherson!!! Chinbone! Chore!)
We can still keep in touch. There's the company mail bag, and email. I told him I'd continue to email him hilarity (which probably won't be all that funny at all if you're not there for it, but he said he'll laugh anyway).
And I've gotten better at losing people. Change doesn't seem so threatening; I find myself appreciating what I've had but believing that what's coming could be good too.
There have been a lot of changes at work lately; two new stores are opening in the area (and a new competition has taken some of our people as well), so as a result of transfers we've got a whole different array of staff. All the managers I report to are different, including my direct manager and our store manager. And Geoff, my Payroll coworker, got a promotion at the new store, so he is leaving too.
Today was Geoff's last day. And I've gotten used to the idea of not having him around - months and months ago he anticipated quitting to pursue other ventures, then I knew about his application to transfer, then I knew when he got the new position, and now he is gone. I'm not as afraid of my new role (as the most knowledgeable Payroll person) as I was at first - I've had time to grow into it. And it'll be okay. Of course, it will suck for a while too because there is no one to replace Geoff (or perhaps to replace me, as I move into Geoff's role). We've known that Geoff was leaving for quite a while, but they haven't given us anyone new. Boo. Whenever I do get a helper, I hope they're competent. I can't handle another training episode like the last one.
Geoff wrote me a goodbye card, in which he said: "I'm very thankful to have gotten to know you over the past year and a half. You're a very kind and intelligent woman, and have improved both the company and me as a person. Thank you for everything!" I was really touched by this. I know I've frustrated him at times (and vice versa), and I'm glad to know that in spite of that we part on very good terms. He appreciated me too. He complimented me on kindness, which is something I don't really expect these days, and he complimented me on intelligence, which is nice because he also gets to see pretty un-intelligent sides of me. (I make dumb mistakes and then we laugh at them. Today I kept writing "gong" and "gene" while trying to write "gone" over and over.) I feel like these compliments are sincere - something I can believe and not just brush off as flattery. And he accompanied his kind words with a Starbucks card, which I'm super excited about.
I'm going to miss laughing with Geoff. We are really funny. We laugh at my dumb mistakes and irrational dislikes, I mock him for his slip-ups, we enjoy spelling and grammar disasters and have numerous crazy inside jokes. ("Have you seen Deb?" Frankie Smitherson!!! Chinbone! Chore!)
We can still keep in touch. There's the company mail bag, and email. I told him I'd continue to email him hilarity (which probably won't be all that funny at all if you're not there for it, but he said he'll laugh anyway).
And I've gotten better at losing people. Change doesn't seem so threatening; I find myself appreciating what I've had but believing that what's coming could be good too.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Labelled
As an alumni, I continue to be invited to potluck dinners with my major from school. I value remaining welcome and connected to them. It's neat to see the group evolve, although it feels a little awkward to be on the outside of it. Sometimes it also feels awkward to re-enter aspects of that phase of my life.
One of these gatherings occurred last night. It was a lovely time of reconnecting, and as hoped, I found a welcoming outlet for the books I've recently purged from my shelves!
At one point in the evening, our professor was telling us about how much she loves seeing her students grow and change throughout the years of her tutelage. As alumni, of course, we were the examples. "I was really, really quiet," Amanda volunteered. I didn't say anything, so our professor said of me, "Michelle was sceptical, but God is working on that in her." I continued my halfhearted smile.
Sceptical, huh. One word that begs so much explanation. What on earth is she referring to?
Is she saying I was sceptical about God? Although I am no longer a person of faith, I do not believe that this falling away was evident in me back then. If anything, I feel like I am an example against the idea that those who fall away were never really Christians to begin with (the perseverance of the saints). I was genuine. (Unless this is a matter of election... I was sincere but not chosen, and somehow she recognized that, although she would never put it that way?) And the events that led to my giving up were not so much a matter of scepticism as of pain and darkness. Even in those steps I was living genuinely out of my circumstances.
Is she instead saying that she found me sceptical towards our topic of study? I don't see that either. I came back to school because I was so excited about the mystics after reading John of the Cross. When I try to picture "sceptical," I come across synonyms like dour and uninvolved, but in my early memories of school I was anything but that. I remember how excited and involved I was in starting our community, and how I invited everyone out for coffee after class. I didn't start out sceptical. But eventually I started to feel angst in her classes. In addition, I was in a dry and dark place and "spirituality" wasn't very fruitful for me. But this is the field that recognizes and understands such arid times!
Maybe... maybe she feels like I was sceptical of her view of spiritual theology. Maybe it all boils down to her. We did stand on the opposite sides of some issues and we weren't always comfortable with each other. She prides herself on her intuition, but I have found it to be faulty when applied to me (like when she asked if my expression of painc was an attempt to control something). Maybe her statement reveals little more than her current feelings about me, and that some bitterness remains between us.
Based on the context of her speech, it seems that she should be identifying a characteristic that she saw in me early on and an area that changed significantly by the time I finished my college education. Her phrasing, however, suggests a current observation ("God is working on that"). I didn't start out sceptical, and if anything, I became more sceptical as my time at school went on. Another friend of mine from that time does not remember scepticism as a primary characteristic of mine at all when he first met me (and I didn't bother asking about now).
To be honest, I felt a little slandered by her description of me. There were new people in this group whom I hadn't met before, and who were forming their opinion of me based on the fact that I gave them books, and then the fact that she called me sceptical. It was as if this was how she was introducing me to them. They don't know what contributed to this statement; they are left to imagine. I guess it's a good thing I won't see them much in the future... or maybe that just makes it all immaterial.
One of these gatherings occurred last night. It was a lovely time of reconnecting, and as hoped, I found a welcoming outlet for the books I've recently purged from my shelves!
At one point in the evening, our professor was telling us about how much she loves seeing her students grow and change throughout the years of her tutelage. As alumni, of course, we were the examples. "I was really, really quiet," Amanda volunteered. I didn't say anything, so our professor said of me, "Michelle was sceptical, but God is working on that in her." I continued my halfhearted smile.
Sceptical, huh. One word that begs so much explanation. What on earth is she referring to?
Is she saying I was sceptical about God? Although I am no longer a person of faith, I do not believe that this falling away was evident in me back then. If anything, I feel like I am an example against the idea that those who fall away were never really Christians to begin with (the perseverance of the saints). I was genuine. (Unless this is a matter of election... I was sincere but not chosen, and somehow she recognized that, although she would never put it that way?) And the events that led to my giving up were not so much a matter of scepticism as of pain and darkness. Even in those steps I was living genuinely out of my circumstances.
Is she instead saying that she found me sceptical towards our topic of study? I don't see that either. I came back to school because I was so excited about the mystics after reading John of the Cross. When I try to picture "sceptical," I come across synonyms like dour and uninvolved, but in my early memories of school I was anything but that. I remember how excited and involved I was in starting our community, and how I invited everyone out for coffee after class. I didn't start out sceptical. But eventually I started to feel angst in her classes. In addition, I was in a dry and dark place and "spirituality" wasn't very fruitful for me. But this is the field that recognizes and understands such arid times!
Maybe... maybe she feels like I was sceptical of her view of spiritual theology. Maybe it all boils down to her. We did stand on the opposite sides of some issues and we weren't always comfortable with each other. She prides herself on her intuition, but I have found it to be faulty when applied to me (like when she asked if my expression of painc was an attempt to control something). Maybe her statement reveals little more than her current feelings about me, and that some bitterness remains between us.
Based on the context of her speech, it seems that she should be identifying a characteristic that she saw in me early on and an area that changed significantly by the time I finished my college education. Her phrasing, however, suggests a current observation ("God is working on that"). I didn't start out sceptical, and if anything, I became more sceptical as my time at school went on. Another friend of mine from that time does not remember scepticism as a primary characteristic of mine at all when he first met me (and I didn't bother asking about now).
To be honest, I felt a little slandered by her description of me. There were new people in this group whom I hadn't met before, and who were forming their opinion of me based on the fact that I gave them books, and then the fact that she called me sceptical. It was as if this was how she was introducing me to them. They don't know what contributed to this statement; they are left to imagine. I guess it's a good thing I won't see them much in the future... or maybe that just makes it all immaterial.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Moving Concluding
Goal: to blog about moving in 20 minutes.
Setting: Personal Project Night at Danaya's, where we get together and get stuff done. I've spend the first hour and a bit addressing moving announcements. I should go soon, but if I don't do this here, I'm not sure when I'll get to it. (Oh no, two minutes gone already?!)
So, moving. I'm moved in. It's nice. I'm not unpacked and there's a bunch of work left to do at my old place, but I'm getting settled and I'm enjoying it. I'm just tired, and not so motivated to do more work. Sigh.
I had a couple of pre-moving parties before my actual moving party on Saturday. These were really lovely. They consisted in inviting a friend or two at a time to meet at my old place, loading up each of our cars with boxes, going over to my new place, unloading and having a tour, and then going out for coffee or something together. I felt like I wasn't asking all that much of them (it's possible they'll disagree though...) - it wasn't an endless moving party that couldn't end until all the work was done, and it gave them a chance to be involved in this important time of my life in a setting where we could spend some one-on-one time together and they were needed - no getting lost in the shuffle and not knowing what to do. I feel like the people who are important in my life should be involved in the moments that are important in my life, and I valued these mini-moving parties.
My major moving party was on the weekend and was pretty successful. My Mom came up for it, and it was really nice to have her. There was unfortunately still a bunch of moving left to be done (I hoped falsely that most of it would be completed by then), and I unfortunately wasn't feeling well (I almost always face the bane of women's existence during moving parties, and this was no exception). My friends worked tirelessly to haul stuff outside and arrange stuff in cars and the truck while I tried to pack up the loose ends inside. I felt like I wasn't pulling my weight, but I don't think I could have managed all those stairs and I was so grateful for their help.
Stairs. That's been the worst thing about this moving experience: stairs. 29 stairs to get things out of my old apartment, 35 stairs from top to bottom at the new place. I'm tired of stairs.
Ding! Time's up! And I'm out of things to say, so that worked out nicely. =)
Setting: Personal Project Night at Danaya's, where we get together and get stuff done. I've spend the first hour and a bit addressing moving announcements. I should go soon, but if I don't do this here, I'm not sure when I'll get to it. (Oh no, two minutes gone already?!)
So, moving. I'm moved in. It's nice. I'm not unpacked and there's a bunch of work left to do at my old place, but I'm getting settled and I'm enjoying it. I'm just tired, and not so motivated to do more work. Sigh.
I had a couple of pre-moving parties before my actual moving party on Saturday. These were really lovely. They consisted in inviting a friend or two at a time to meet at my old place, loading up each of our cars with boxes, going over to my new place, unloading and having a tour, and then going out for coffee or something together. I felt like I wasn't asking all that much of them (it's possible they'll disagree though...) - it wasn't an endless moving party that couldn't end until all the work was done, and it gave them a chance to be involved in this important time of my life in a setting where we could spend some one-on-one time together and they were needed - no getting lost in the shuffle and not knowing what to do. I feel like the people who are important in my life should be involved in the moments that are important in my life, and I valued these mini-moving parties.
My major moving party was on the weekend and was pretty successful. My Mom came up for it, and it was really nice to have her. There was unfortunately still a bunch of moving left to be done (I hoped falsely that most of it would be completed by then), and I unfortunately wasn't feeling well (I almost always face the bane of women's existence during moving parties, and this was no exception). My friends worked tirelessly to haul stuff outside and arrange stuff in cars and the truck while I tried to pack up the loose ends inside. I felt like I wasn't pulling my weight, but I don't think I could have managed all those stairs and I was so grateful for their help.
Stairs. That's been the worst thing about this moving experience: stairs. 29 stairs to get things out of my old apartment, 35 stairs from top to bottom at the new place. I'm tired of stairs.
Ding! Time's up! And I'm out of things to say, so that worked out nicely. =)
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