Today's Installment

I talked to my Blitz friend today, the one who wilted my soul a little bit with his mean competition a few days ago. We've been watching movies together on Thurs afternoons, and I called before I came over to make sure it was still happening. He said he was a little afraid I wouldn't come because he wasn't sure if we were okay after what happened on Mon. He apologized again, and said that he had noticed the tears welling up in my eyes and that just made him feel awful. He hears me talk about other people who make me cry, and he does not want to be one of those people. The next day he called me (and woke me up) to warn me about a speed trap on the way to work, and that act of kindness before I was awake enough to remember I was sad helped to make things better. Today it was nice to hear his remorse about hurting me and know that he does care and my friendship does matter to him.

I also heard back from Nick's friend/my friend today. I guess it came up with someone else who was at the party that Nick was all over me from the moment I walked in (I don't quite remember it that way) and they were concerned about girls who get sucked in by smooth talkers. My friend said that I'm too smart for that - and then the next day he got my email asking for Nick's email address. So he felt the need to caution me. This time he elaborated, Nick's still young and has a lot to learn, and his talent of instantly making friends with pretty much everyone he meets also means he has a lot of "girlfriends" hanging around... I know that's not the type of guy you deserve... I just don't want to see you get hurt.
Responding to his email clarified some things in my own mind...
- I used to be young and naive; now I am jaded or perhaps wise
- what really matters isn't a sparky connection, but that you're a good match for each other
- people get hurt when they expect different things, when they hope for more than turns out, or when they become ashamed of their actions in light of the results
- in this situation, I'm just looking for whatever kind of friendship could come out of this, and if it's nothing that's okay
It was interesting to hear that someone else brought this up with my friend - interesting to realize that there were third party perceptions, and they weren't especially positive. My friend said that I think he was more upset about Nick's behavior than yours but the fact that he mentioned that casts some doubt. Maybe I shouldn't go to parties if I'm just going to be, or be seen as, a big flirt.

Today I succeeded at eating cereal and doing the dishes. Yay me! I also made some disaster cookies - I tried something new that didn't turn out well. But I'm going to feed them to my coworkers anyways. There are so many "last days" to acknowledge...