Past and Plans

I noticed yesterday that I am really really uncomfortable with past phases of my life. Most recently, I am really uncomfortable with my school. I had noticed this a little when I saw acquaintances connected with the school, and I felt it quite acutely when I visited its website.
This explains some things. Why I (almost) never go back to places I've worked. Why I feel so avoidant of old friends.
Why am I uncomfortable? I feel socially awkward. "I don't belong here anymore." And the hurts and disappointments from that time rise to the surface and overpower the pleasant memories. Also, I change, and the current me is different and not necessarily better than the person I was then, and I am uncomfortable with that.

I didn't expect this. I know that I am uncomfortable with many phases of my past, but I didn't realize it happens this quickly, this regularly. I planned to remain involved in my school this year, although I graduated. I planned to help out with Greek and to audit a course on the Theology of Marriage. I was excited about these things. Then I heard the Theology course was cancelled and I was disappointed, but now I am surprised and discomforted to discover it's still on. And to realize that school starts next week and I haven't contacted the Greek prof to discuss how I could be involved in that. (And I haven't touched my Greek at all this summer.) I haven't talked to work about whether I can have Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings off, and my schedule is really inflexible (and includes straight mornings) for the next couple weeks. I don't want to go have all the conversations necessary to make these things happen, nor do I have time, and I'd miss the first few weeks of everything anyways. It would be easier to just not do it. Plus, I still owe a research project to another prof, and not only have I not finished it but I do not want to do it. However, I feel like I can't do anything else pertaining to school while that is on my plate. I don't know what to do. Avoid them all forever?

I've noticed that I rarely follow through on plans for big things that I intend to do. I'm not proud of the list that has accumulated over the last few years: an Adolescent Spirituality summer class at U of T, a Church Fathers summer class at Regent, Quebec this spring and summer and fall. Now involvement in Greek and a Marriage class. The plans are easy enough to make, but when it comes to executing them it seems much too hard and I decide I'd rather give up. Hopefully this pattern doesn't extend to a trip east I'm planning to visit a friend next month. I'd better buy those plane tickets soon, and thus commit myself.