Integrity

Trevor and I email each other. I like staying in touch with him.

Two emails ago, after telling me about what's going on in his life, he wrote, You're always praying for all of this stuff for me, I only get to pray for your work time, and that you'll find another Trevor to replace me =P If there's ever anything that you want me to pray about, just let me know!
I didn't say much, so in the last email he wrote, You still never told me what I should pray for for you! You're always praying for me and it's not fair haha.

Aw, I have a sweet (eighteen year old) friend. Except there's two little problems.

I don't really pray for him as much as he seems to think I do. 'Cause praying isn't going so well for me. It doesn't seem right to tell him that, but neither does it feel okay to let him think things that aren't true.

And I have no idea what to offer him as a prayer request. I don't want to tell him about the things in my life that are not okay. I don't think he'd understand, because I think he has a completely different picture of me in his head. Someone who's strong in faith and encourages and supports him in his faith. And I kinda think he needs me to be that to him more than he needs me to be honest?

But at some point, it becomes an integrity problem.

Update 10/01/08: I found a prayer request to share with Trevor. I asked him to pray for my upcoming vacation because I am no good at vacation. It was a real request and a chance to be honest about how things in my life are not completely okay, without having to say that nothing is okay. And Trevor responded that he'll be more than happy to pray for me. Yay!

Update 10/22/08: We emailed each other a lot while I was on vacation, and had a chance to share some honesty between us. As an explanation for something else he revealed a piece of himself: I don't think you know, but I... I wanted to thank him for his vulnerability by matching it, so I responded, It's interesting what we don't know about people and who they have been, isn't it. For instance, I've had a depression problem for the last eight-ish years, and I don't think you knew that. I still don't really speak out of that place with him, but if I need to at some time there is now a precedent. The friendship feels more equal. I like that. Do you want me to pray for you or is there anything I can do? he responded.