Church 3

I called Nick as I woke up an hour before church started, and he called me back fifty eight minutes later telling me he had just woken up but he'd soon be on his way. "I'll be there in an hour," he said. Good thing it's long church. At that point I was in the parking lot, realizing that since I hadn't heard from him he might not be there, but that was okay because I was at church because I felt like I should be there, not because of him.

I went in, found a seat, scanned the room, and was surprised to see a girl that I work with. I know this girl is highly religious, but I didn't expect to see her at this church. She soon glanced my way and with great excitement waved for me to come and sit with her, which I reluctantly did. I find her... intense. I come to this church with Nick because I feel like with the him I can have an honest experience and not feel like I have to seem okay, and I would not say that about her. But it turned out well enough, and worshipping beside her I sensed that things are not as okay for her as she lets on.

Nick showed up as the sermon began. The sermon was about loving one another (again, but at a different church this time) and being a life-giving community. To demonstrate how in a sense we all belong to one another they had us all hold hands with the people beside us, so I held hands with Sonia and Nick. We sat like that for a minute waiting to see what else the pastor would do with this illustration, but it turns out that was it and he said "Okay, you can let go now if you want." So Sonia dropped my hand, and Nick let go of the person on the other side of him, but then he looked at me and said something like, "I don't want to let go!" and I said, "That's okay, you can hold my hand." It lasted a few more minutes, and I liked it. I liked holding his hand. I'd be open to that more often. But... usually that means relationship to me. And I don't want a relationship here, I just wouldn't mind being friends who hold hands sometimes... That gave me stuff to think about.

After church we went for a brief lunch with his family, and then he was off to the film festival and I went for a walk with a friend who got bumped from that evening because I had some last minute dinner plans with work friends come up.

~~~~~

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Be my everything

~~~~~

Come and find me
Tell me I'm yours
and that you love me