Grown Up & Embodied

Seven years ago, a stranger told me I had nice legs, and I pretty much freaked out. It was a crisis for me for quite a long time. I couldn't handle the attention.

Tonight I found out that someone I guess I used to work with remembers me as the one who was nice and who had big boobs, and I laughed.

I guess I've grown up. I've grown more comfortable with my body and with attention. I've grown more aware of the sexual undertones of our culture, and I've realized that it's not always a big deal - I've become a bit desensitised. I think part of this is just because I've spent more time in the world, and part of it is the result of times when boundaries have been pushed. (When you've been the inspiration for someone's porn, it's not such a big deal when someone else just notices you are well endowed.) Plus, my body kinda grew along with my confidence - I didn't look then like I do now.

Since this is how he remembers me, I guess I wouldn't have been remembered if I was flat. I wonder if we are actually treated differently because of our cup size.

I have a body, but I am more than a body. I want to be respected, for all of me. I don't want to be uncomfortable with my body, but neither to I want to be reduced to that.