Aujourd'hui

Today was no good. Nothing in particular was wrong; I just wasn't well. It was like a cloud of gloom hung over my heart, and I couldn't push the depression below the surface. I laughed too hard over things that weren't that funny ("I love crisp"), and I complained too much about trivialities (the fat paper cut on my thumb).

I had a cash shift today, and that was fine. I really enjoyed my packer. He's someone who does the job well, and someone who I really like having around, so it was just good overall. But... my general appreciation for this guy formed part of the problem. I articulated last night before falling asleep that one of the things that makes me feel the worst is wondering if my relationships with guys are appropriate or if I am forming unhealthy attachments, and what it looks like to be friends with people. So today I wondered if my high regard for my packer is reasonable. Plus, he's leaving in a few weeks, and that reminds me of loss.

Katie was in town tonight. I didn't discover that until today. Katie came in looking for Nadia, but she had gone home already. (And I saw that Nadia means more to Katie than I do. But, it's okay that not everyone chooses me first.) So I became Katie's consolation plan and we went out for dinner. And it was so good to be together, to talk, to order chocolate. I told her about most of my bad day, and just being with her improved it, and it wasn't just distraction. Not that everything is fine now, but it was just good to have a friend.

I'm good at saying no to making plans for this next thesis-crunchy week, but when something comes up last minute, I have a hard time going home to work on homework. I don't regret that tonight, but I hope I don't regret that later this week.