Thanksgiving

Event

I had a good Thanksgiving. It was nice to go up and see my family - I'm glad I placed my vacation at this time. We had some good conversations and fun times.

My Mom came up early and she and I went on a shopping trip to a store that we love but that hasn't been in our province until now. It was fantastic - just as good as I thought it would be. I've often said that when this store comes here I probably won't buy as much there because it won't be a novelty anymore and I won't need to stock up, but it seems that it is still a novelty to me, because I still bought a lot.

I enjoy my brother. Dave and I made up a pie song. It goes like this: Pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie, pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie. And it's to the tune of Dueling Banjos. It's pretty fantastic. And it could become a dual purpose song if we changed the words to: Pi pi pi pi pi pi pi pi pi, three point one four one five nine two six!

I had a good talk with my aunt in the afternoon before the family dinner. She retroactively invited me along to events already gone by: last Easter, and summer vacation. Although the invitations aren't really useful five/two months after the fact, I was still touched to be included in the memories. To know that they want to have me around.

It's cool to see my cousin grow up. Of course, they're all growing up, but particularly the next-oldest girl, Lisa. She's 16 now, and more of an adult than a kid. She's beautiful and stylish and confident and smart, and so much cooler than I was at that age. I like her.

Patricia and I knitted together. She's 8 now, and for the last few years she's been fascinated with the projects I've been working on at family gatherings. This is the first time she's had a project of her own: she made a scarf for her Webkinz elephant Trunky. It turned out like a first project. Then she started on a blanket for Trunky, and she articulated to me that she wanted to make these things for her stuffed animal because "Trunky is super special to me. She always makes me feel safe, even though I know she's not real."

The youngest cousin, Corey, was set on beating up my brother and had a running tickle war going with me. He's only six and he's tiny for his age, so it was more amusing than successful. But out of his battle with Dave, Corey gave us the best quote of the night: "You're cracking me like an egg nut!" It was hilarious.

"Who wants to say grace," they asked as we all sat down to eat. "Michelle?" I felt really put on the spot, but I didn't see any gracious way to get out of it without putting someone else on the spot. And although I enjoyed the time with my family, I'm not prepared to actually be honest with them about how things are beneath the surface. So I said grace.

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Thankful

Thankfulness feels obligatory when there is a holiday named after it. It feels like I ought to articulate what I'm thankful for, because it's Thanksgiving. I guess that's okay. Except I don't feel thankful, and I don't feel like I can make myself feel thankful. Thankfulness seems to be akin to wholeness to me, and since I don't have that, I can't do that...

l'action de grace
action of grace?
gracias?

I imagine it's traditionally been a harvest celebration. We're kind of removed from that these days, or at least I am. I'm a city girl who gets paid every two weeks; I don't personally depend on a good harvest, the payoff of an entire spring and summer of labour, to get me through the winter. What did they do with Thanksgiving when it was a bad harvest, when it wasn't enough? Reminds me of a Garth Brooks song (it's really more of a January song, but it's on my mind now):

Not everyone makes it. Charlie Barton and his family had too many poor harvests and lost the farm. What was Thanksgiving for them?

I guess it's about finding things to be thankful for, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. Being thankful for life, and seeing bounty even in poverty.

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Thanking

When we thank or praise God for anything, it seems that beneath the simple "thank you for..." we are actually saying two things:
1) this is good
2) this is from God
But those are both claims that I am really quite uncertain about in most situations. It is hard to recognize what is truly good, and I don't think it is appropriate to say that everything is from God. For instance, I can thank God for giving me a particular friend when in reality that friend is distracting me from God and not really given by him. Maybe it's like telling someone we care about that they can help themselves to any food we have, and they come back to us and say, "Thanks so much for that bottle of poison! I really appreciate it!" And we say, "No!... That's not good! That's not what I was trying to give you!"
So oftentimes, it's not appropriate to thank God? When we start saying "thank you," what we really mean is "I like this. It pleases me." Sometimes I say that instead. And since I don't know whether a particular thing is good, I hesitate to say thank you.

Credits: Steve Howard; YouTube; Garth Brooks, "Wolves"