I really struggle with not accepting things that are not meant for me.
A classic example from three-ish years ago: "Mind your own goddamn business." My manager said this at me one day at work when I inquired about someone else's break. This person had asked me to check on it, and I guess the manager meant to direct her comment towards the person who wanted their break. But she didn't specify that, she spoke in the second person, and I was the one standing there. I turned abruptly and headed to the bathroom to cry. She followed me to apologize, to clarify. It hardly mattered. I sobbed, even before I reached the safety of a stall, and prayed, "What do I do with this? How do I not accept what was not even intended for me?"
A recent example from this week: "Sorry, this user does not list you as a friend, and they've set the 'friends only' option for who can reply to their journal." This was the error message I received when I tried to post a comment on a friend's blog. I feel like it says, "You are not friends," which is unfortunately tempting to believe since we are in what I guess is a "growing pains" phase of the friendship. But I know that's not what she wants to convey. Her blog is private so no one reads it (so being offered a post was a great honor), so no one comments, so no one is listed as an approved friend. And error messages from the internet aren't really personal missives. But...
How do I take what was personally meant, instead of what was said impersonally?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i don't know if this resonates with you, but i definitely walk around with some suspicions of what the world thinks of me. they vary, but they can include stuff like "you don't belong," "you're alone," "you're not funny," or "you're not a good person."
ReplyDeletesometimes what i mishear confirms a suspicion. so, even if it wasn't really meant for me, it's already hit a nerve. maybe dealing with those underlying suspicions is a better way to go. like, nowadays, even if someone *means* "you're not feminine" i don't take it personally. because i've dealt/am dealing with that insecurity.
don't know if that helps.