Concluding

We're coming to the end. Only two more days, two more concerts. On one hand it feels like it has gone quickly; on the other it feels like forever since I was home. And I'm both glad and sad to see it end. It has been hard, but it's my last tour, my last concerts, my last chances to sing... and there has been good there. I wonder if it will hit me during the final concert, or if I will just feel numb to it.

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It's encouragement-note-writing and affirmation-sharing season. And I have very little to say.

I find that sometimes (often?) "encouragements" come out sounding more like insults than like compliments. Things like, "When I first met you I hated you, but I'm glad we're friends now," "even though you have a dirty mind sometimes you say insightful things," or "we're not close, but..." Sometimes the weight of the sentiment seems to come out of the less positive context, but it's difficult to articulate that in an affirming way. At least I don't know how to consistently do so, and therefore I hesitate to try out of fear of offending.

Eventually it will be my turn to be affirmed (because it's my last year and I've been around for six semesters). I feel like I don't really deserve it because I have been stingy with my praise when we've affirmed other people. Plus, I don't see my appreciated qualities in this group, and that makes it hard to believe people when they tell me nice things. In my cynicism I wonder how often they'll say "you're always so happy" or "you're so quiet" or "you just love God so much," and then I'll think "you don't know me at all."

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Things are not what they seem.
That is what I think when I sing songs about God's wonderful care for us while feeling the absence of that. Although my experience is valid, it does not define reality.

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Lord, help me "love the life you have given."
That's been my prayer today.

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My best find of the week: a case of A&W Cream Soda for my brother for Christmas.
Some of the most exciting parts of the day (esp in the States) are our rest stops at gas stations. Half an hour of freedom from the bus! A bathroom break! Exciting unusual chocolate bars!