Affirmations

My affirmation time came on the last morning on the bus. I was in a good mood to receive it, and people seemed eager to affirm me and honest in what they said, so it was a positive experience for me. I was honored by everyone who spoke up, even the people I wasn't very close to. And... I really appreciated when I could tell that people weren't just flattering me because they acknowledged issues that may have been between us.

My ex spoke up. First he made me laugh with an inside joke (that confused everyone else). Then he said, "I think that out of everyone here I've known you the longest, been the closest to you, and hurt you the most." I really valued that acknowledgement. He went on to say that the high opinion everyone has of me is a testimony of the journey I'm on, and other pretty nice things that I've forgotten. Just the fact that he said anything was meaningful.

One good thing about this year is that our leadership has made a point to affirm each person too. Our choir director's words meant a lot to me. A few days ago when I affirmed him I said that I am proud to sing under him, and now that it was my turn he said that it is a blessing to conduct me. He feels like we connect often in concerts (maybe I would notice better if I actually wore my glasses and could see well...), and he notices how much I give. He said he appreciates how loyal I have been to our school and to our choir. He acknowledged that I have given a lot to our group and that it hasn't always been noticed, but then he said something like "I am recognizing and thanking you for that now." That really meant a lot to me.

Other things people said that blessed me: They've had fun with me. They love me and they will miss me next year. They appreciate it that I give loving touch. I am mature and without shallow pretense. I am gifted at listening and spiritual direction, and they can see that in my future. He liked playing frisbee with me. Our Father takes great delight in me.

The things I doubt about myself - things like loving people - they don't see, and they even think that I do well at these things.

We wrote encouragement notes to each other too. These were some of my favorites:

I can see how you pour love into your friends, you give yourself to them and I can see how well received that is.

You are amazing! You have such a big heart... P.S. I LOVE your voice. =)

I remember almost getting to live with you... All I could think of were the late night talks we would have. I see so much wisdom in your eyes and I appreciate how much you have been a supporter of me.

You are an AMAZING woman of God. You are so beautiful and have such a big heart. I love how you devoted yourself to everyone who needs a little lovin'! If there is one girl on this tour that could change the world it would be you. Yes you are that good. We need to keep in touch. God's blessings to you! Love in Christ...

You are so incredibly genuine and your pure heart is on your sleeve... You are so gifted at loving [God] and loving others... We are all changed after having known you.

I have never met anyone like you. I felt so special to you and when you asked how I was doing I felt compelled to answer honestly... I feel so privileged to have gotten to know you a little bit.

You inspire me to live deeply and truly.

Thanks for your open and understanding personality. You are one of the most mature, strong-headed people I know. I really appreciate how you care, especially on this tour. You are genuine and irreplaceable. We should keep in touch.

Your gentleness and openness will capture everyone's heart wherever you'll go.

You are the biggest encouragement I could have had this year.

You show true bravery. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, to see beyond the surface and for calling me friend.

You are a pillar of this group... and your presence will be sorely missed.

Just seeing your soft smile and your gentle spirit always makes my heart sing... I'm glad - blessed to have been a part of your walk for this chapter of your life.

I'm so sad that you are leaving but I know it's time for you to go so I wish you luck for the rest of your life.

Some people still commented on my great love for God or my joy. One guy wrote to me: "You honestly sincerely amaze me. I have no clue how one person can express such joy and happiness ALL THE TIME. You seriously inspire me to search God out more in my life because your attitude and outlook on life obviously is a reflection and outpouring of the uncontainable joy of Christ you experience everyday." But this was written to someone who I'm not close to at all, and I smile at his perceptions and I was blessed and surprised that he wrote to me at all. A closer friend noted, "You are a person who knows deep sorrow and deep joy. The latter may not be something you often feel, but others see it in you."

During prayer time before our final concert, we took communion together. That's always a hard thing for me because I'm so uncertain about my spiritual state. This time I took it, saying,
I believe you love me.
Because they've said they do.