I Can't Stand Dale

So, I'm having a problem with a guy at work. The problem is that he's insane. Not insane like the schizophrenic supervisor who went off his meds and told us to go out for buggies when we were already half an hour late for break, and then quit. This guy does things that make sense, but in the most frustrating, aggravating way possible. And I'd actually rather have the schizophrenic guy around.

He's always been odd, with his bleach phobia (that's right) and the way he used to call you "buddy" a hundred times a shift. I'm not your buddy!! Recently he got a promotion, and I think it went to his head to make him all the crazier. I've never been his fan, but the last few weeks with him have been awful.

We've tried to diagnose him. There's some OCD in there. One person called it separation anxiety (and just as we were talking about this he came on the radio: "Michelle? I don't see you. Where are you, Michelle?"). Another person thinks he has an anger problem, repressed rage (he expresses his frustration on people who aren't the cause). I think he can't handle easy-going-ness or a lack of structure, so he feels the need to impose structure by telling everyone what to do.

Beyond the vague accusation of "insanity" and our stabs at a psychiatric label, I'm trying to figure out exactly what my problem is with him. Here's what it looks like on my side: He frustrates me to no end. I want to be as far away from him as possible, and work is a million times better when he has days off or goes on vacation. I often have to clench my fists to endure a conversation (however minimal) with him, and sometimes I have to curl up my toes as well. I leave every exchange feeling angry and he saps my desire to live. I don't like who I am in these situations, and I'm not proud of how much I vent about it to other people.

Unfortunately (?) I'm having a hard time identifying what it is about him that makes me feel this way. Then I wonder if it's just me... But how my day turns out is pretty dependant on how much interaction I have with him. And everyone else assures me it's not just me, it's him. Plus, I'm not the only one who has a problem with him - there are very few who don't.

The only time he admits he didn't know something is when I tell him that something he did didn't need to be done. "Here's an MPH." "Oh, I already got one." "Well no one told me!" The rest of the time it's: "This cashier is an hour late for break." "Oh yeah, I know." "That person was off ten minutes ago." "I've got it covered." Perhaps he thinks it makes the person feel better that he didn't forget them, but I would feel worse knowing that he knew and didn't fix it. I've realized it's not worth telling him anything since he already knows it all. But the other part of me is convinced that he just pretends he already knew what I just told him, and he does need the reminder. But I'm tired of hearing "I don't need to be told that."

He doesn't listen. I start to say something and he interrupts, so I just stop talking. Actually, lately I have just stopped talking for the most part. When he says something I ignore him, just stand there, or "hmm." That's not very nice of me, but I can't talk to him.

He's been telling us what to do a lot. And that's not so bad for the people below him - it's often his job to organize them. But I fill the same role he does. He doesn't need say, "I'll get you to go for break now" or "I'll get you back to your zone please." On one hand, as I complain about this, I realize that it's fair for supervisors to make requests of each other in order for everything to run smoothly, and the person "running the board" has the best view of the whole picture and sees best what everyone (including the other supervisors) needs to do. But interactions between all the other supervisors work much more pleasantly. I think that's because we see each other as equals and so our requests come across differently and we're open to each other's input, whereas with him it feels like a hierarchy with him on top giving the orders. He's not my manager.

He tries to be very nice, encouraging, and appreciative. And for some reason that is so frustrating. I wish he'd just say nothing at all. It also makes it hard to complain against. I can't say, "He was rude and disrespectful;" I can only say, "It made me want to punch him when he thanked me for doing a good job. Shut up!" Someone said that it's because he's not sincere. I'm not sure if that's it - I imagine he thinks he means what he says. It's just that I do not want him to encourage me, notice me, or say anything to me. Somehow his "niceness" is a huge part of the problem.

Sometimes I can see his reasons behind what he does. Unfortunately that doesn't make me more understanding - he still bothers me to no end. Instead, seeing where he's coming from makes me fear that I am just like him. I try to be nice too. I try to tell people I appreciate their work. I probably end up interrupting people without realizing it. Everyone assures me that I'm nothing like him, and I believe them but I wonder what makes me different.

Eventually/soonish I'll have to have a talk with him. I just have no idea what to say. I hoped that writing this out would clarify some of my issues for me, but I don't think it has. I don't know what to expect by bringing things up with him - I'd love to say, "I have a problem with you doing this objectively bad thing, so please stop it," but all my complaints feel so subjective. Maybe I'll bring it up with a manager. Then I can tell them about how he drives me crazy and ask for their input on the situation. If nothing else, it will add my vote to the anti-fan club.