Assistance

She's going back to work. She doesn't want to though. The baby will be barely a year old and she wants to stay home with him. But if she doesn't contribute to the family's income, their mortgage will account for half of what they are bringing in. She feels like she has little choice.

We had coffee today. And as I thought in advance about things we could talk about, I figured I could pull out my camera and show her the pictures I took the day before. But then I realized that that would be a terrible thing to do, because the story behind those pictures is that I spent all the birthday money my Dad sent me on clothes (that I didn't really need), so I took pictures of myself in every outfit to sent to him along with a thank you card. Although I'm not ashamed of spending my birthday money this way, neither am I especially proud of it, and I can't advertise my frivolous abundance to a friend who is struggling financially.

I want to help them out. I get paid well, I'm on my own so I'm not responsible for anyone else, and I don't have a mortgage to worry about. It feels strange to have an abundance when my friend is struggling, and I feel like their family is a good investment for my money. Not that I expect to make a big difference, not that my help will mean she won't return to work, not that they won't be fine without me. But when money is tight luxuries are the first to go, and if I could I'd like to return some luxuries to them.

I'm not sure how exactly to do this though. I don't want them to feel like it's charity, and I don't want them to feel like I'm flashing my money around. I want them to feel joyful and blessed, not belittled or jealous. Maybe I can give more generous gifts for more occasions (so that there's a reason I'm giving the gift), and then little things more often (that they won't feel guilty about). Gift cards for a date night for their anniversary. A box of his favorite cereal when I come visit. Some money for their son's RESP for his birthday. Scrapbook stickers in the mail. Maybe I can treat her and I to a spa day sometime.

I know she would do it for me in a heartbeat. And she has been a faithful friend to me for a long time.

Long ago another friend lamented her financial woes on her blog, and one of her friends replied that if she ever needed money she could just let her know and she would be glad to provide because she had fewer expenses. I was shocked by that generosity at the time, but today that resonates with me a little bit, and that makes me happy.