Review

It's nearing my work anniversary. Eight years. Dude.
Every year we do an annual review. I rate myself and discuss my goals, then one of my managers rates me and expresses comments, and then we sit down and talk about it.
Today was the discussion. Not a fan. This put a really bad spin on my day.
Two significant things arose - things that I didn't realize were such a big deal, two conversations I had forgotten about.

First... A few months ago, earlier on in my Payroll experience, a few of my managers together asked me how I was enjoying Payroll. I said I really liked it, and I honestly expressed that one thing I really enjoyed was not having to push the company's programs. I'm not a fan of Programs (the credit card, etc.). Having to push them makes me very uncomfortable, and it's been wonderful to be in Payroll and not have to worry about that. But it turns out that voicing my feelings to my managers was a very bad idea. They feel very strongly about Programs - the programs are for the good of the company - and my managers feel it is very concerning if I am not fully supportive, especially considering my role as a supervisor. Had I not said anything, they probably wouldn't have noticed, or if they had it wouldn't have been to the same degree. But now they will be keeping their eyes on me when I get back to Front End (which may happen by the end of the month), making sure I'm producing the necessary results. Because I said I don't like Programs, I will have to focus on them so much more. It makes me not want to go back. It also makes me think I should keep my mouth shut and not be honest with them about how I feel about things. Anything I say can and probably will be used against me.

Next... One of my special supervisor tasks is to keep track of how many people we have on each till each day (a topic referred to as "Till Integrity"), and I've been able to keep up with this even while I've been in Payroll. The goal is to have no more than four cashiers per till so that if there are any shortages etc they are easier to track. It can be a challenge, though, for the "Board Runner" to achieve this goal; it's easier to just disregard it. At the beginning of last week, when I was updating everyone on how Till Integrity was going, I thought it would help motivate them to try if I offered an incentive, so I promised a prize to the Board Runners for clean till integrity that week. This email goes to the managers as well as the other supervisors, and the top manager responded by asking what the prize was and why he hadn't been told. I talked to him on my way out that day, and explained that I hadn't told him about it because I had just thought about it without a lot of planning, and the prize was a chocolate bar. He responded that a chocolate bar is not a good prize so if we're going to give a prize it should be something else, but we really shouldn't even be giving prizes. We get in trouble with the auditor for doing so because it's part of people's jobs and it should simply be rewarded with praise, not with prizes. I argued that sometimes affirmation means more when it is tangible. Plus, a chocolate bar was what I was willing to give - I bought a case of a new fun kind and I definitely have enough to share. It's not an amazing prize, but I figured the recognition would matter as much as the item. I didn't feel like this was a big deal - just a small unofficial recognition from me for success on the project I'm in charge of. But my manager seemed to think it was a big deal. This conversation was very discouraging for me. I had been pretty excited about what I was doing, but he rained all over my parade. In the end he gave me his tentative okay.
But it showed up on my review, in areas like receiving constructive criticism, following direction and coaching, seeking input and advice, and respecting management's decisions. They wrote, "We want you to know the difference of snap decisions compared with decisions that require communication with management." Really?
I did a good thing. I care enough about my coworkers and I care enough about my project that I was willing to invest something into recognizing successful efforts, intending by doing so to improve both results and morale. And all I got for it was criticism, negativity, and a black mark on my review, which is part of my permanent record. I wasn't looking for recognition or praise for this; I expected it would be quietly appreciated and then forgotten. I really didn't expect it to turn out badly for me. They didn't even balance out their negativity with a "That was nice of you."
I guess the moral of the story is that I need to talk everything over with my manager. I think that sometimes bureaucratizes and ruins things, but it that's what they want, I'll acquiesce to it. Or I'll just not try anything like this stunt that requires such discussion again.
I still don't really understand, though. I don't get why I need to pass something like this by him. I don't understand why the offer of a small prize could be considered a problem. Although I wasn't pleased with our conversation either, I didn't realize that it was such a big deal to him that he felt it was necessary to address in my review. So this situation re-raises all my fears about social ineptitude, about thinking along a different wavelength than everyone else, about thinking something is okay when it really is not. The criticism of my nice deed is hard, but what is worse is that it fuels my own deeper fears.