Crazy

Justin went home to Nova Scotia this week for a holiday. This is one of the first times he's gone anywhere while we've been dating - usually it's me going to visit Mom, or Dad, or Oma, or Cuba, and leaving him behind at home. I've taken this opportunity to try to plan a lot of activities with friends. Usually I am satisfied to just spend a lot of time with Justin, but that's not an option this week and there are many people I ought to connect with. I don't want to spend the week all alone.

I've had a really rough week though. I'm not okay. I've been crying a lot. I haven't been eating well. I've taken a lot of naps and remembered how I used to say "I think I abuse sleep." I wonder how much this has to do with Justin being gone. On one hand, I know it's pretty separate from that. I have reasons for why I'm not okay: work stuff has been hugely discouraging, and I've had some friendship crises come up lately too. But I usually handle stuff better than this, at least lately. Despite my efforts to have a social week, I usually don't spend this much time alone. Usually I can talk it over with Justin, and then we cook supper and spend a lot of time together and that distracts me from my problems and gives me an alternative to focus on. Now I just stew in them.

He's an upper in my life. It's nice to see that. I really like having him in my life.

He calls every day or two and we have a brief chat. I like that. I've told him a bit about what's going on, but I haven't really gotten into it. For one thing, several times when he's called he's woken me up from a nap so I'm not incredibly articulate. And I don't want to be a rain cloud over his vacation. I want him to have fun and not worry about me. I never want my craziness to be a burden to him.