Disappointed Easter

I had Easter dinner with my extended family (from my Mom's side) tonight. It was good. The food was great, and the company was largely enjoyable. The little ones searched the house for Easter candy and the youngest showed off his noogie and wedgie skills. My cousin has a terrible mullet and we laughed at him. We went for cream slush and that was fantastic. I saw glimpses of good people. It all left me feeling a little socially awkward, though.

I was planning on spending the night at my Dad's house, and I emailed him a few days before to let him know. He is working out of town in the daytime these days, but he's home at night. Today he sent me a text message asking what time I was getting into town because he was planning to have supper ready. I felt really sad to have to say that I wasn't going to be there until much later in the evening. He said that was fine, he had some other friends he would spend time with, but I still felt bad.

I left my aunt's house early so that I would be at Dad's place in time to hang out with him for a bit before it got too late. But he wasn't home. I knew that he was going out with friends, but I thought that he would be home by the time I got there. Since he works early in the morning I expected he'd want to get to bed pretty early.

I didn't have a lot of time for him.
I guess its fair that he doesn't have a lot of time for me.
But I created some time for him.
But he doesn't know that.

My brother stayed to hang out with our cousins when I left. They are, I'm sure, having a great time, and it would have been nice to have some more time with them - I get up there so rarely - but this was important to me. But now I'm sitting at home, alone and lonely.

But... there are pictures of me all over the house. That makes me feel valued. And Dave came home an hour later (as I was preparing to go to bed), reporting that he left earlier than he otherwise would have saying, "I should go hang out with my sister - she's not here very often." That's nice.

Update 04/12/09: I was asleep before Dad got home, and he was gone before I got up this morning. He called early-afternoon, saying he could be home from work in about an hour. But I was planning on leaving before that. And I felt emotionally unable to adjust my plans to spend time with him. Even the connection of a conversation really hurt, and put me in a miserable mood. Seriously not okay.