Oma is one of those people who is young at heart. She doesn't seem old. But she has been fading over the past few years, maybe I just haven't wanted to see it. And really, she is old. And breaking major bones can mean the beginning of the end for the elderly. I can't imagine that for her though.
I have the next two days off. Oma lives about three hours away. I could go and visit tomorrow. I thought about it. But I had some plans for my days off. I really want to sleep in tomorrow and eat bananas and ice cream for breakfast. Justin and I had just finished planning to make butter chicken tomorrow when I got the call. A friend gave me tickets today for a sneak movie premiere on Wed night. And I think I'm deciding not to go visit Oma this week. Maybe next week. Maybe I'll wait for more news first.
I kinda feel guilty for this decision. Am I completely selfish for not visiting my sick grandma at the first opportunity? Especially since my plans aren't the sort that can't be broken? Really, butter chicken will still exist next week. Visiting, and visiting soon, is the kind of thing a good granddaughter would do. But I've also learned that I need to listen to myself. If I feel overwhelmed and grumpy towards the idea of going right away, maybe I should just stay home and plan to go a little later. Plus, maybe it would be better if I waited for more details to find out how serious it is, and wait for things to settle down a little. Maybe if I go now I'll just be in the way.
Dad asked me to pray. That's one of the sad things of not being friends with God anymore - beseeching God with faith and hope on someone's behalf is a beautiful thing to be able to do for that person, and something that seems unavailable when you're not talking to God. I miss being able give other people the gift of praying for them.
Update 02/03/09: She broke her collarbone and her hip. Because of the whole "old hips don't heal" thing, she gets hip replacement surgery this afternoon! I guess everything will eventually be okay. But in the meantime there will be a whole lot of hassle for them. A broken collarbone rules out crutches. She won't do so well at living alone in her apartment for quite some time. I wonder how long they'll keep her in the hospital. She might have to live with my aunt for a while.
this post and your "team" one both made me think about intentions and actions.
ReplyDeletei once asked an "am i completely selfish" question and immediately realized that i was phrasing it hyperbolically to make it harder for people to answer "yes." i don't think it's selfish not to go. i think the problem is that you don't want to. so, to me, here intentions are more important than actions. this is totally backwards for that parable about the two sons. buuuut anyway...
when i led a team i had a lot of good intentions, but not so many good actions. sometimes when you spend enough time thinking good things, it feels like you've already done them! and you're kind of tired :) i'm not really talking about the whole sortin-out-your-role part... but if you want to say nice, supportive, quasi-community-building things do it!
maybe, really, the best thing is the coincidence of good intentions and good actions. and, really, figuring that out just now was rocket science. oh, i's silly...
You're right, I don't want to go this week. But I'm okay with planning to go next week. Not that I necessarily want to, but duty kicks in and I'm okay with that if it's not an immediate thing.
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