Sometimes I have days when I'm just useless. When I don't seem to do anything... can't seem to do anything? They're days with no structure, when there's no place I have to be but all sorts of things I could (and should, but don't) do. Some people would consider it relaxing, but I don't function well in these situations.
This was one of those days. I stayed in my pajamas for most of the day, not putting real pants on until 8:00 PM. My big accomplisments were eating cereal and buying tomato sauce. I failed at putting Christmas lights on the balcony and getting my car to the shop. Every decision was impossible to make. My indecisiveness made me procrastinate until it was too late for some things that would have been good to do. Nothing seemed like it mattered enough to put even minimal effort into. The littlest things gave me that shaking, "I could cry" feeling. My Christmas decorations feel oppressive. Not so healthy.
I tried to think of things that would make it better. Plans for tomorrow, so it's not a repeat of today (check!). Coffee with someone tonight (but all my friends are busy with exams right now). I put on some music (but my CD player keeps cutting out, so I don't hear much of it) and made some supper. Soon I'll go to bed and maybe try to write some Christmas cards.
God, what do you say into this day?
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try using your laptop instead of your cd player... and know that days like this happen to all of us. i'm not saying "it's common, so don't think you're special!" i'm saying... it's common. you're not alone.
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