Dear Sis

One day last week when I had a bad day, I laid down on the floor in my living room and put my feet up on the couch. I like that position; it seems to calm anxiety. And while I was laying there I remembered that that is what you and I used to do. At your house at Christmas with egg nog and white chocolate. At my house in the winter before you left on an adventure. Laying with our feet up on the couch and talking. I'd forgotten about that. And I missed you.

It's been years now. That's my fault; I cut the communication off. I didn't respond to the messages or emails you left me, telling me you were home. I couldn't. I'm so sorry if that hurt you. I'm not mad at you... I just can't be in touch right now. I don't know how to have old friends, and you're not the only one I've had to lose touch with. It's just that I'm not the same person I was back then. I'm not comfortable with that, and therefore I can't be sure that I can trust you with who I am now.

I'll come back. I just can't yet. For now I'll just miss you and remember who we were.