Shhh

Maybe if I write really small, it won't seem too hard. Maybe I can whisper past this writer's block, this tired inability to articulate, this preference for sleep.
Of course, when it's on the computer there's no difference in the effort required for large type and small type. But somehow writing small is still different. A different tone of voice. More possible.

It's cold outside. And it's cold inside. Last weekend it got down to 11.7 degrees in my apartment. It's been better since, but tonight it's getting a little chilly again. Last year this happened too when it got really really cold out, and it felt like the end of the world to me. This year it's not quite such a big deal. I credit that to the fact that last weekend Justin came over to warm me up. =) I guess I should call the maintenance guys to come and fix something so I don't freeze. But I called today about my dishwasher that won't drain, left a message, and got neither response nor fixing. That coupled with Thanksgiving's lock incident and my general inability to believe that things will improve make it hardly worth the effort, especially when I can't picture the solution.

I got promoted at work. I'm a full time supervisor now (before I was just a relief supervisor). It took them something like three months to make this decision - they sent it all the way to head office because our store manager wasn't comfortable making the decision himself - which made me feel like they were trying to find reasons not to give it to me (I have five years seniority on everyone else). The explanation I eventually got was that there were several really good candidates who excelled in different ways and they had a hard time deciding what was most important. I guess that satisfies me, especially since I came out on top in the end? Now they're piling more work and responsibility on me, and making me wonder if this is really what I wanted. And... it is. I would be upset if I didn't get this, and I find I am more satisfied on supervisor shifts than cash shifts. But I'm not really in the mood to be happy with work right now.

I got a new phone! My contract expired back in the spring, so this was long overdue and I've been trying to do it for a while. It feel like success now that it's done. And it's such an exciting phone! It flips open to reveal a full qwerty keyboard! I'm excited about my new phone.

Things are good with Justin. I like not being alone - I like having someone around to hang out with, talk to, share this piece of life with. I don't think I expected it to be this good when I got into this relationship.

Things are not so good with God. I can't talk about that yet.

I haven't emailed Trevor in a couple weeks. I feel guilty. For a while we were exchanging daily emails, and that was great. But like I've neglected this blog, I've had to neglect my correspondence with him. I just haven't been able to write. I'm sorry that there are two sides to this situation - that it's not just me not emailing him, but there is him, not receiving emails from me. I'm sorry that I basically withdrew the means of our friendship. I'm not sure what he's thinking; I hope he understands. It sucks that I can't trust myself to be a more faithful friend.