Thanksgiving

I'm afraid to be fundamentally thankful. I don't mean expressing appreciation to people; I'm talking about an attitude of deep thankfulness directed to God for the good things He has given. It scares me. I've noticed a pattern in my life of losing things soon after I have praised God for them. I saw this years ago, and I've been reminded of it lately. I remember noticing times in my life when I've been doing really well, praising God with gladness, and then immanently falling into a downswing. This week I articulated how I'm really thankful for my car, and within a few hours my car was overheating again (and I thought we'd fixed that...). It's not a good lesson to learn and maybe it's superstitious, but I can't convince myself that the two things (thanking and losing) aren't connected. It's really hard when the act of realizing you enjoy something and expressing gratitude is the act that seems to push that good thing away.

Maybe I should take everything for granted, not notice that I am thankful for anything, not notice that anything blesses my life, and possibly be able to keep what is good. Is it better to have blessings without recognizing them, or to know the goodness of the things in your life and then lose them? Loss hurts, especially when you valued what you have lost.

Sigh, but maybe it's more virtuous to be a grateful person, even if the things you value constantly slip through your fingers.