Books Read - Fall 2012

17. Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
16. How to Cook Like a Man: A Memoir of Cookbook Obsession by Daniel Duane (from the library)
15. Going Rogue by Sarah Palin (audio book)
14. Rebecca's Tale by Sally Beauman (from the library)
13. Arcadian Adventures with the Idle Rich by Stephen Leacock
12. The Red House by Mark Haddon (from the library)
11. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (book club selection)
10. That's Not a Feeling by Dan Josefson (from the library)
9. The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha (from the library)
8. What Went Wrong: The Clash Between Islam and Modernity in the Middle East by Bernard Lewis
7. Labyrinth by Kate Mosse
6. Words to Eat By: Five Foods and the Cuinary History of the English Language by Ina Lipkowitz
5. Secrets from the Vinyl Cafe by Stuart McLean
4. From Hardtack to Home Fries: An Uncommon History of American Cooks and Meals by Barbara Haber
3. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (book club selection)
2. Insight Guides: Turkey
1. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey (book club selection)

Astounding

It's a bird?

It's a plane?

It's my Mom, looking out from a hot air balloon over Cappadocia!

Even my Turkey book doesn't have a picture of Cappadocia this good. 

Wave hello to St. Basil, Mom!

There She Is!

See that blonde in the foreground there? Just right of center, with her back turned, holding up a camera?

That's my Mom!  She is there in Ephesus, in front of the Library of Celsus (or at least she was a few days ago). This is one of the famous things in Ephesus - a similar picture is in my Turkey book, minus my Mom's head.  It looks like she's taking a picture of whatever is on the right, though, and I have no idea what that would be. When you live vicariously through someone, your view is restricted to what they share with you and what your guidebook explains.  The guidebook does tell me, though, that the Library of Celsus held 12 000 scrolls, and that the humidity and temperature were regulated.  It was built in 114 CE, and destroyed in 262 CE.

This is a picture she sent me from Troy!  But I hear the horse is fake - both in the sense that, um, it's not a living horse, and that it's a modern reproduction of what the famous Trojan horse might have looked like.  (It sounds like you can go inside, though. Fun!)

I've really been enjoying the daily emails Mom has been sending me about her trip.  It feels like we're communicating more regularly now that she's on the other side of the world than when she is at home, but I guess we have all her new experiences to talk about. I feel like this makes me more a part of her trip, and I like that. 

Books Read - Summer 2012

23. Nurture Shock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman (audio book)
22. Cleaving by Julie Powell (audio book)
21. Minding Frankie by Maeve Binchy
20. The Firm by John Grisham
19. The ABC Murders by Agatha Christie
18. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
17. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
16. A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf
15. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
14. The Warden by Anthony Trollope
13. Stories by Anton Chekov
12. The Pelican Brief by John Grisham
11. The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain
10. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
9. The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner (audio book)
8. The Client by John Grisham
7. The Chamber by John Grisham
6. The Runaway Jury by John Grisham
5. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo (audio book)
4. The Rainmaker by John Grisham
3. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
2. The Simple Solution to Rubik's Cube by James G. Nourse
1. The Physics of Christmas by Roger Highfield

Vicarious Adventure

Today, my Mom is in Troy.  Yeah, like the real Troy, over in Turkey!  She left on Monday for her Turkish tour.  I had hoped to accompany her, but alas, I could not get the time off work because a coworker is on vacation instead.  So instead, I'm living vicariously through my mother. I'm following along on her itinerary, and also reading a tour book about Turkey.  I might read the Iliad, and I have a "Learn Turkish in 60 minutes" CD.

Tomorrow she's going to Pergamom, and the next day, Ephesus.  It looks like they're skipping Nicea (now "Isnik") and Smyrna (or "Izmir") and, well, Sparta because that's barely a place now and it's not in Turkey, but towards the end of the tour they'll end up in Cappadocia.  (Will I read something by Basil the Great?  We'll see.)

I'm much more interested in studying this because I know that my Mom is seeing these things - and after following along, I'll be a much more interesting/interested spectator for her pictures and stories.  Even though I don't get to be there, I'm excited!

(none)

I'm having a problem with existential lethargy.  "What's the point?"

Vacation: Day by Day

Thursday 28: travel, layover in Chicago, arrival in Philadelphia, train to hotel, reunion with Mara, dinner at Shake Shack, walking around downtown, finding only closed Starbuckses, tea in the hotel lounge

Friday 29: Philadelphia! Starbucks, walking/food tour, sightseeing bus tour, zoo, ice cream sundae, train/bus to Delaware

Saturday 30: taking it easy, groceries/laundry, dinner at a local pub, evening walk

Sunday 1: Canada Day shirts! Starbucks, homemade postcards, lunch out, newspaper puzzles, velcro catch in the park

Monday 2: (Mara worked) Main Street, bus to Starbucks, yoga, tempura brownie

Tuesday 3: (Mara worked) shopping, haircut, Cheesecake Factory, Mall

Wednesday 4: America Day!  Rubik's Cube, pizza at pub, velcro catch, last minute moments together

Thursday 5: travel: car to Philadelphia airport, unanticipated landing in Indiana, missed connection in Chicago, flirted with standby, hotel

Friday 6: finally arrived at home, baggage didn't, taxi home, dentist

Books Read - Spring 2012

14. Knitting for Peace by Betty Christiansen (from the library)
13. Live Better: Yoga by Tara Fraser  (from the library)
12. The Backwoods of Canada by Catharine Parr Trail
11. American Cooking: New England by Jonathan Leonard (Time-Life Foods of the World)
10. Mistress of the Sun by Sandra Gulland
9. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith
8. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
7. Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures by Vincent Lam
6. The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work by Alain de Botton
5. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

4. Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne (audio book)

3. Whipping Star by Frank Herbert

2. Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie

1. Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons by Lorna Landvik

Books Read - Winter 2012

11. I Hate to Cook by Peg Bracken
10. The Acrobats by Mordecai Richler

9. The Street by Mordecai Richler

8. The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz by Mordecai Richler

7. The Cookbook Collector by Allegra Goodman

6. Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy

5. The Way of All Flesh by Samuel Butler (audio book)

4. Make the Bread, Buy the Butter by Jennifer Reese

3. The Egoist by George Meredith

2. Middlemarch by George Eliot

1. Barchester Towers by Anthony Trollope

2011 Reading Statistics

In 2011 I read...

29 Books

18 Fiction
11 Non-Fiction
---6 of which were Non-Narrative

9 Books for my Nineteenth Century English Literature Course
all of which I read twice, but only counted here once

2 Canadian Books
(it didn't help that my course books were outside of this category)

2 Books on Penguin's Top 50 List
12 Total Books read from Penguin's Top 50 List so far (24%)

Books Read - Autumn 2011

7. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell*

6. Here Comes Trouble by Michael Moore (audio book)

5. Bleak House by Charles Dickens (a second time)

4. Germs, Guns and Steel by Jared Diamond (audio book)

3. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

2. Bleak House by Charles Dickens*
1. Digital Fortress by Dan Brown (audio book)

Books Read - Summer 2011

7. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
6. Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom
5. The Giver by Lois Lowry
4. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender
3. Vanity Fair (a second time)*
2. Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood**
1. Vanity Fair by W.M. Thackeray*

Kindness Forbidden

A couple weeks ago, my coworker made an announcement when I got back from my lunch break. "Pam and I have decided that you are not allowed to bring baking in to work anymore. And when the other girl brings in stuff, we're not going to have any. And we're going to go for walks on our lunch break." They are trying to eat healthy and lose weight. I was a little stunned by their announcement though. There are two aspect to my feelings, and I'm not quite sure which should win out.

A) I want to support their goals. I don't want to tempt them to eat junk food when they are trying to be healthy. And if my "kindness" is detrimental to them, then it's not kind.

B) I share my baking to show that I care. I feel that by preemptively rejecting my goodies, they are rejecting me and my attempts to be kind. And it was surprising to be told that I am "not allowed" to do something by people who have no authority over me.

Consideration A isn't a new thought to me, and as a result I haven't been sharing treats as much as I used to (though it makes me feel stingy and un-caring). I might bring in cookies or cupcakes once a month... or two or four (2-4 months, not 2-4 times a month). I think it's a good, caring thing to do - something that makes people feel happy and contributes to morale. But to some people it's detrimental... and now my feelings are hurt and I feel unappreciated and awkward about future sharing.

Theme

The theme of my summer was "Not Good Enough." I'm not good enough at work (despite telling me that I've improved greatly in the past few months, my manager gave me a majority of "needs improvement" ratings on my annual review - marking me as one of the worst employees we have). I'm not good enough at being there for my friends (two friends moved this summer, and I didn't help; another wrote me a letter about how she regrets how we've grown apart). I'm not good enough at spending time with my family (Mom wishes I lived closer). I'm not good enough at keeping house (cooking and cleaning are impossibly hard). I'm not good enough at writing for my English course - or reading for it, for that matter (after getting a lower-than-expected mark on my paper, it took me over two months to make it through Vanity Fair).

Even when the results are fine, I still receive criticism. At work, the store manager told us that next time they'll get more people keying inventory because we were too slow - but it seemed to me that we were so caught up that we were often waiting for more numbers to come in. Still not good enough. My correspondence course tutor told me that my 2092 word paper was too short, when the required length was 2000 words and I had to cut it down to get it there, afraid of running too long. Still not good enough. If even meeting or exceeding expectations is unsatisfactory, what does it take to be sufficient? It seems impossible.

This feeling becomes exponential: once the idea is planted, I am more likely to interpret new circumstances in a way that reinforces it. And it's really hard to kick. But I've been trying. I counter "I'm not good enough" with memories of Justin telling me "Good job, Michelle!" or a coworker saying "I think you do a bang-up job." But I'm still living under the shadow of insufficiency.

Aye

I've discerned another excuse for the selfishness I discussed recently. It's my defense against manipulation. Nowadays there are so many schemes that try to convince me to further someone else's interests. "If you buy a newspaper subscription, the company gives me money for college." "If you host a Tupperware party, your friend can get more free stuff." Everyone who works for commission or under a quota tries to further their cause by getting me on board. It's fine and even great when I want the product they are offering - when I've been wanting to host a Tupperware party and buy a newspaper subscription, when their interests are in line with mine and the transaction is mutually beneficial. But I need my "selfishness" to protect me from all the times when that is not the case. When someone else's success is tied to my participation, they become less interested in whether or not I want what they are selling; they want me to want it, and many will resort to some level of manipulation to ensure that I cooperate. Since they do not have my best interests at heart, I need to.