Ouch

A week or two ago, while walking to the mailbox, I found myself thinking about what it's like to be any particular person. I think there's a special feeling associated with being me, with being you. Our perspectives have been shaped by our unique circumstances and our interpretations thereof, and this affects our outlook in every moment. And I wondered what it feels like to be you, and I wondered what you would think about how it feels to be me.

It's painful to be me. Old disappointments tarnish my present expectations, and a grim cloud of depression hangs over it all. I don't notice this pain all the time - busyness often distracts me, but I see it when I look back and when I slow down. Situations like massages and pedicures let it rise to the surface. This emotionally ill feeling is my predominant memory of my first massage, probably five years ago, and looking back I wondered at the state I must have been in to warrant that. Repeated experiences and recent introspection have made me realize that it's not exactly that I was in such a painful place then - that ache is always within me.